My wife is a stay at home mom and it’s creating problems for all the wrong reasons

Ever wanted to close your fist really tight, gather all your strength and throw a punch right on to someone’s face? That’s exactly what I was about to do yesterday when I realized that the only people whom I have wanted to do this to in the past few weeks are all women and I have to stop myself from punching their face. But you know what? I really really wish I could.

So yeah I am aware that it is not the old days when women only stayed at home and looked after their kids, but guess what? If a woman chooses to do, she is not ‘lame’ or ‘oppressed’ or a ‘bore’. And to everyone who thinks so, you disgust me and the so called empowerment you rally about. Yesterday evening I met our overly friendly neighbor and her first question was “Hi. How’s the baby? Has your wife gone back to work yet? ”. Like seriously woman this is none of your business! And stop with the judging looks already. So I politely answered in negative and her response made my blood boil. “So she is still having fun in her break? Niceeee”

My wife works hard at home to keep things running and in order. Besides that, she has been an amazing mother to my daughter. She does all of that like some superhero with a smile on her face and never has she complained. I would like to see any woman who does that and is still there for husband all day. Calling it fun is outright condescending!

The next woman I want to punch is my wife’s boss who made her life not so comfortable while she was working and now has the guts to ask me if I have made my wife stay at home permanently. No lady, my wife has chosen to do and like all her other choices I respect this one too! And to all the stories you have about how you never took a break like my wife did, I will comment on that when I am sure that your kids turn out just as good humans as my daughter will because she had my wife take care of her.

My wife and I planned this baby knowing the full responsibilities it will entitle us to. We do not want to make our parents our baby sitters, neither do we share good feeling about maids being a baby’s caretakers. Our home and baby needs someone and my wife chooses to be that person. Out of sheer love that she has for this family and the satisfaction she gets from it.

I understand I sound very harsh and opinionated and I make every working mother sound like the devil but truth is, it’s their choice. They choose to work, I am sure they decided on that with the same goodwill for their family that made my wife decide to stay home. Empowerment was supposed to be all about choosing what you want to do and not about being corporate slaves.

To all those colleagues who come up to me at work during coffee breaks and ask “What does she do all day at home?” I’ll tell you what she doesn’t do. She doesn’t take the coffee breaks she deserves, she doesn’t sit around gossiping about other people’s lives and she definitely does not get the respect she deserves from you all.

I am very confused by the idea of ‘real’ people who have ‘real’ jobs and are assumed to be the only ones that ‘matter’. Because when I go home every evening and I look at how much my daughter loves my wife without even being able to speak a word, that is the real job I wish I had!

It is thoroughly stupid that I have to sit down and write about how it is OKAY to be a stay at home mother for my wife and how it is OKAY for her to leave her career for as long as she likes when she likes. Because guess what? A woman can have a million roles. She can be an awesome career woman no doubt but at the end of the day anyone with a high and mighty job is still an employee, an expense and dispensable. I cannot think of anyone ever in this universe who can replace my wife as my daughter’s mother! And I don’t want to because she is not an expense, she is not replaceable, she is the real deal. Her job was not the real deal to this family, she is. Her income doesn’t matter, she does. Her career success did not give us love, she does. And fortunately, it never will anything but her. For that, she is not JUST a stay at home mother. She is an inspiration, a super hero, a life changer and I am proud of her!

Anyone who disagrees is free to live their lives the way they want. But I would tell them to sit their own mother down and talk to her and remember the impact she had on their lives before judging my wife to be lesser than them for staying at home.

Hufsa Rizwan

Written by Hufsa Rizwan